Often times when we think of postpartum depression, we picture a mom who’s freshly home from the hospital with a newborn. She’s struggling with exhaustion, sadness, anxiety, and a feeling of dread. What not everyone knows is that both parents can experience postpartum depression.
PPPD in men often goes unrecognized because id doesn’t always present the same as it does in women. For some dads, it might manifest as:
Irritability & anger
Withdrawal from family or friends
Working longer hours or staying more busy outside of the home
Difficulty sleeping
Increased distraction or disconnect
Increased use of alcohol or other substances
Why does this happen?
For many mothers, Postpartum Depression results not just from the massive life changes of becoming a parent, but from the hormonal rollercoaster of pregnancy and birth.
“The postpartum hormone drop is considered the single largest sudden hormone change in the shortest amount of time for any human being, at any point of their life cycle.”
Aviva Romm, MD
Even though dads don’t go through the same hormone changes, they still experience many life changes that can be difficult to deal with. This includes:
Adjusting to life as a parent and identity shifts
Increased financial pressure and new stressors
Lack of quality sleep
Shifts in relationship dynamic between him and mom, friends, work, and family
Feeling pressure to hold it all together and be strong
When we combine this with a lack of cultural support around male mental health, it’s easy to see how dads can slip into silent suffering.
What can I do if I’m worried?
Start a conversation. The biggest way to help your partner is for them to know that they are not alone and that they can talk to you about where they’re at. Most moms I work with whose husbands experience PPPD experience anxiety, stress, and worry about their partner’s mental state, leading to a desire to fix and make the problem go away. This comes from a place of wanting to help, but sometimes has the opposite effect. We want to start from a place of understanding and empathy.
Encourage support. When it comes to support for PPPD (or any kind of perinatal mood disturbance) there are four routes of support: community, peer support, mental health, and medical. It’s important to help your partner access the right type of support, and likely, a combination of the four. Community looks like encouraging regular time to connected with friends and family. A great avenue for peer support can be found through Postpartum Support International’s free Dad Support Group. Support may also look like finding a reputable therapist or talking to his primary care physician about changes to his mental health.
Remember: this is treatable. The great news about perinatal mood disorders? With the proper support, they are all treatable.
You’re not alone.
It can be hard to be the one struggling and also hard to watch your partner struggle in ways you’ve never seen before or don’t quite understand. It’s no longer about the individual, it’s about the family and healing is possible, together.
As always, I am here to support the entire family in navigating postpartum mental health. You are not alone and help is available!
Looking to talk more in depth? Feel free to schedule a consultation here.
